IGNACIO LARRAÑAGA, CAPUCHINO PRIEST
CAN LOVE ALONE SUSTAIN MARRIAGE?
El Sur newspaper, Concepcion, Thursday, October 22, 2009
In his time in Chile, the Franciscan spoke with El Sur about divorce and the ways to recover affection.
By Gianina Paredes C.
Between five and six sub-registrations of divorce are entered daily in the Civil Registry of Concepción being almost the same number of marriages celebrated. According to a public agency source, last year the figure was much higher, since "it was the boom, everyone wanted to divorce." He also indicated that marriages prefer to divorce by mutual agreement, since the process is faster.
For the renowned Spanish Capuchin priest, creator of Encounters of Experience of God and founder of the Prayer and Life Workshops, Father Ignacio Larrañaga, the 34 thousand divorces that have been carried out in Chile until August 31 are signs of how weak it is Today the union of the couple. On the occasion of his world tour called "Encounter with you", the 81-year-old Franciscan visited Concepción, was with the faithful and took a few minutes to talk with El Sur about this complex issue. For him, the problem is summed up with little self-criticism and no capacity to forgive.
Father, why do you think people decide to divorce?
I have talked with thousands of couples and from my point of view the thing is clear, nobody wants to die. Dying is an ugly word but marriages must work on mutual understanding, forgiveness, acceptance, being integrated into a unity of the two. All these processes presuppose dying, giving in, shutting something up and, in the end, loving is shutting up a little, dying a little. That is what man and woman do not want to do in any way. They want to take advantage of the gratification of marriage, but they are told that when you have to forgive, you have to forget they become demanding. They don't want to do self-criticism. Then, I understand that for this reason the marriage is separating, the love is ending and happily they go in search of another person. They go from shipwreck to shipwreck, because the second marriage will also disappear if there is no self-criticism, if there is no understanding of love and accepting the other as it is.
But what to do when love dies?
It is normal for him to die, but there must be other values that support him. It is the same husbands who have to make every effort through small details every day. There is a book in which I wrote practical and concrete advice called "happy marriage." We are doing everything possible so that marriage, family and society go well.
There are cases in which marital and family life is broken, for example, when there are addictions or violence. What happens there? Is it correct or not to end that relationship?
If the husband or wife gives themselves to addictions it is because the marriage is not going well. If love is cultivated and they both feel good with their love, those things would not have to happen.
Forgiveness, then, is implicit in marriage?
Forgiveness, mutual understanding, silence many times, yield many times, let many times pass, all that is to die, then it is a love not romantic, but oblative. If the romantic love for which they have married does not pass to the oblative love, which presupposes suffering and receiving the other in the negative aspects, the marriage will be shipwrecked.
What diagnosis do you make of the Chilean family?
I think the same evils that we have hinted at in this talk are hurting the family a lot. People feed on soap operas and hence what? Fantasize, and hence what? Well, there is minimal friction in marriage, words take words, violence begets violence and they have to be separated.
Are couples away from spirituality?
Totally, it is a pagan society. God is dispensed with and then there is no value, nothing makes sense. The family automatically goes well if the marriage goes well.
Newspaper name: El Sur- Concepción
Article Name: Not only does love sustain a marriage
Publication date: 2009, October 22
Author: Paredes, Gianina